Uncertainty.
I am unsure right now. Actually, I am unsure most of the time and it's a feeling that has been with me my whole life let alone after becoming a paraplegic. I don't like the uncertainty. I also don't like the little bumps along my road to recovery. I want to be strong and shrug them off, but at times it's difficult to find the strength. Here's the truth. Everything is slow now. Daily routines take forever. I have bowel and bladder accidents once or twice a week. Last week I had my first Urinary Tract Infection - this manifested in increased pain and decreased energy. Some days I sleep well, others I stay up with pain. My back is knotted so tightly that it feels like muscle is being torn from the bone. And I don't feel confident being alone. My list of uncertainties and insecurities prior to the accident is twice as long. Every where I go there I am. And as before I still find moments of joy and beauty. A successful transfer to or from my chair, a note f